I need a good laugh TFI Friday!
A lady walks into the kitchen where her husband is busy killing flies with the swatter 'any luck?' she asks.
'A bit' he replies, 'I've killed three males and two females.'
Intrigued, she asks how he could possibly know the sex.
'Easy' he responds, 'three were on my beer can and the other two were on the phone!'
A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. Thirteen, thirteen thirteen! goes the noise from within the mental hospital's wards. The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence.
It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.
As he reels back in agony the chanting continues fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
A yuletide meal at an expensive restaurant is disturbed when a woman starts screaming. My son is choking she cries, He's swallowed the sixpence in the Christmas pudding. Please anyone help!
Without speaking a man stands up at a nearby table and walks over nonchalantly. Smiling pleasantly he grips the boy by the gonads and squeezes.
The boy coughs and out pops the coin. Thank you so much beams the relieved mother, are you a paramedic?
No replied the man I work for the tax office.