The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said," Dust!"
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.