This weeks Friday Funny

Heard anything funny today about our pollies (their always good for a laugh). Get in touch with that inner Irishman and let’s hear a joke or two.

This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Fri May 16, 2008 10:43 am

A group of kindergarten children were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! 'You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
'I went to visit my Nana,' he said.
'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!'

She then she asked Mitchell what he had done.
'I took a ride on a choo choo.'
She said, 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use
Big People words.'

She then asked little Zach what he had done.
'I read a book,' he replied.
'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'
Zach thought really hard about it, then puffed out his chest with pride
and said, 'Winnie the S H I T!'
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby Blue Bravo » Fri May 16, 2008 10:56 am

:lol:
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby Smileandhug » Fri May 16, 2008 12:25 pm

Yeah good one Amanda...............haha

How about the SMS I got the other day



We wish to advise you that you have been on our dating service for 19 years and no one has responded. Do you wish us to try one week without a picture of you?
Last edited by Smileandhug on Fri May 16, 2008 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby cokebottle » Fri May 16, 2008 12:37 pm

Smileandhug wrote:Yeah good one Amanda...............haha

How about the SMS I got the other day
wish to advise you that you have been on our dating service for 19 years and no one has responded. Do you wish us to try one week without a picture of you?


Get rid of the link to the porn site in your post please :evil:

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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby cokebottle » Fri May 16, 2008 5:17 pm

Thankyou :+

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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Sat May 17, 2008 1:50 pm

I know it is Saturday but this can't wait until next friday so enjoy...

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............









You'll like this

























NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Mon May 19, 2008 9:39 am

I love it!

Here's another little cute one:

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'

And another:

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 23, 2008 9:35 am

This is really cool guys.........


You may need a calculator,I did. It was too hard to do in my head.

1. Key in the first 4 digits of your landline telephone number (but not the area code )
2. Multiply by 80.
3. Add 1.
4. Multiply by 250.
5. Add the last 4 digits of your telephone number.
6. Add the last 4 digits of your telephone number again.
7. Substract 250.
8. Divide the answer by 2.


Do you recognise the answer ?
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 23, 2008 9:50 am

And #2 for this friday with an american flavour too but the message is the same.....

How old is Grandpa???

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.

The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

television

penicillin

polio shots

frozen foods

Xerox

contact lenses

Frisbees and

the pill

There were no:

credit cards

laser beams or

ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

pantyhose; air conditioners; dishwashers or clothes dryers

the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir". And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir.."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

"grass" was mowed,

"coke" was a cold drink,

"pot" was something your mother cooked in and

"rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

"chip" meant a piece of wood,

"hardware" was found in a hardware store and

"software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.


This man would be only 59 years old
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Fri May 23, 2008 10:07 am

gypsylady wrote:This is really cool guys.........


That is really cool - how do people think these things up???
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 23, 2008 10:09 am

I have absolutley no idea Amanda but there sure are some damn clever people out there....
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Fri May 23, 2008 2:08 pm

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"Catching any flies?" she asked.

"Yep - 3 males and 2 females".

Intrigued she asked him how he could tell.

"Easy" he said "Three were on the beer can, and two were on the phone."
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 23, 2008 3:00 pm

GG Amanda we could go on forever here:-))))
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby Ricklanga » Fri May 23, 2008 7:16 pm

What about this one?

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout,
and she turned to him and said,
'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son.'

He answered, 'That's okay.'

'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out
'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store,
it would make me feel so happy.'

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store,
the man called out, 'Goodbye, Mum.'

The little old lady waved, and smiled back
at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

'That comes to $121.85,' said the operator.

'How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..'

The operator replied, 'Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too.'

Moral of the story: Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Tue May 27, 2008 5:25 pm

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Mouse in c-o-c-k-p-i-t.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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