This weeks Friday Funny

Heard anything funny today about our pollies (their always good for a laugh). Get in touch with that inner Irishman and let’s hear a joke or two.

Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby cruiser » Tue May 27, 2008 7:09 pm

Saw this one a while ago,But very funny :*** :cheers
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Tue May 27, 2008 7:23 pm

AND it's not even Friday yet Amanda....
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby will_deness » Wed May 28, 2008 1:41 am

amanda wrote:After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


Funny but not true!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Wed May 28, 2008 8:30 am

gypsylady wrote:AND it's not even Friday yet Amanda....

I know - I can't help myself!
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Wed May 28, 2008 8:36 am

amanda wrote:I know - I can't help myself!


You poor love....you've got it bad:-))
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby will_deness » Thu May 29, 2008 3:11 am

Seems Friday has lost it's monopoly, this years Darwin awards http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html I dont think as good as other years, our gene pool must be starting to lose it's murkiness
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 30, 2008 9:44 am

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They Used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

..... PRICELESS
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 30, 2008 9:50 am

Bulls.... and Brilliance

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bull.... and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Fri May 30, 2008 10:44 am

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby Smileandhug » Fri May 30, 2008 11:02 am

:*** I enjoyed that one Amanda. Have a ripper weekend mate. I know its a wet one but you ever wondered why I like em?? Nothing like laying in bed under a tin roof :grin:
I AM LIKE A HOLE IN THE GROUND WITH WATER IN IT - I AM WELL
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Fri May 30, 2008 11:07 am

Yeah it can rain all it likes this weekend, next weekend is the long weekend....
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:37 am

My contribution for friday as I will not be online.

The value of a drink.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams ... If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. “~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henry Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" ~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"With out question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing really badly.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:39 am

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby amanda » Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:47 am

I like it!
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: This weeks Friday Funny

Postby GypsyLady » Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:11 am

Thanks, me too...
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