Bogans

Heard anything funny today about our pollies (their always good for a laugh). Get in touch with that inner Irishman and let’s hear a joke or two.

Bogans

Postby markcrook » Wed Aug 05, 2009 3:55 pm

The suburb I live in has been included in the top 10 bogan suburbs in Australia! http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/fra ... ews.com.au

I think it is unfair, I think there are propably worse enclaves out there! FYI here is a guide to the West Australian Bogan!

THE BOGAN (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus)

First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Perth bogan population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Rockingham and Balga. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Gosnells and outer-Mirrabooka. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early 90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Central Perth, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts.

In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered. Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" (short front and sides, long at back). Some scientists believe the growth is genetic, while others argue it is a product of nurture, as even extremely young males seem coerced by parents to adopt the growth. Other distinguishing male characteristics include a tight black denim covering on the hindlimbs and bright flannelette markings on the forepaws and belly. Males adopt a dominant status within the community, with a vague sense of rank defined by the ownership of aging Ford and Holden motor vehicles. Female Bogans are entrusted with the raising of multiple offspring, a role they perform from a young age and often without the presence of the male. They may be similarly identified through distinctive denim markings, though the color is usually "stonewash". In warmer weather, females have been known to shed the lower layer of demin to just below the genital area, resulting in a 'cut-off' effect. Both males and females have been known to cover their lower hind-limbs with furry pouches called 'ugh-boots.'

While the wild population of Bogans is dwindling, it is still possible to view them in their natural environment. The species has been known to congregate around regional 'shopping malls', where family units often come to settle domestic issues using high-pitched wailing sounds. After sunset, younger males and females meet in small dark enclaves known 'Taverns' where they consume large amounts of a liquid called 'Bourbon.' There are numerous factors attributed to the decline of the local Bogans population. Scientists have identified the unpopularity of stadium rock as a contributing cause, while the development of adequate social infrastructure (ie. schools, medium density housing) may have fragmented the species. More controversial theories suggest many bogans may have removed their mullets, purchased 'cargo pants' and attempted to integrate themselves in Perth's mainstream population, but these claims are yet to be substantiated. Authorities will have a better idea of bogan numbers early next year when Bogan elders AC/DC visit Perth for a concert at the Burswood Dome, home to other Bogan-centric pursuits such as Supercross, Big Wheel truck racing and the Motor Show. At present there seems little hope of restoring the Bogan population to its previous levels. Recent attempts included the development of a new artificial habitat named 'Joondalup', but is seems this area may be too close to Perth to attract large numbers of the species. More successful is an enclosed breeding program called 'V8 Supercars', which takes place annually at the Barbagallo Raceway complex in Wanneroo. The program has proven highly effective, combining motor vehicles and bourbon with rampant displays of female sexuality.
Knock me down I get right back up again,
Come back stronger than a powered-up Pac Man
markcrook
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Location: Rockingham, WA

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