Five Tips for Women

Heard anything funny today about our pollies (their always good for a laugh). Get in touch with that inner Irishman and let’s hear a joke or two.

Five Tips for Women

Postby amanda » Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:41 pm

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!
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Re: Five Tips for Women

Postby Titch » Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:24 pm

Most men would reply thus.
Yes I know its an old one :lol:

1.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

2.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
3.

Crying is blackmail.


4.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
5.

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
6.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
9.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
10.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
11.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


13.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
14.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
15.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
16.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
17.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



18.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
19.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
20.

You have enough clothes.
21.

You have too many shoes.
22.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
23.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
24.

I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
25.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

:booty

Titch :mrgreen:
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