How to give the cat a pill

Heard anything funny today about our pollies (their always good for a laugh). Get in touch with that inner Irishman and let’s hear a joke or two.

How to give the cat a pill

Postby Little Kopit » Mon Jun 28, 2010 12:21 pm

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.



4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse in from the garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw



9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.

Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.



10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.



13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.



14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.





HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it tightly in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.
& I, I took the road less travelled by


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Little Kopit
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Titch » Mon Jun 28, 2010 5:35 pm

So True :+
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Lin » Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:17 pm

:lol:

I do have a story that contradicts that scenario though. I once had to give my big tomcat a pill. I expected a fight so the vet gave me a 'pill popper' which is basically a more sophisticated version of the drinking straw.

The first try didn't work and the pill ended up on the table. So I walked away to go get a towel to wrap the cat in for the second try. When I came back the pill was gone! I looked everywhere but couldn't find it. I thought it could not be possible that the cat ate it. But when I put a pill down in front of him the next day, he just ate it and then patiently waited for me to get him a treat!!!
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Little Kopit » Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:22 pm

specially cat flavoured pill maybe?


:)
& I, I took the road less travelled by


My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006
Little Kopit
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Posts: 111
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:18 pm
Location: The Maritimes, Canada

Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Titch » Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:53 pm

Little Kopit wrote:specially cat flavoured pill maybe?


:)



Yuk ! a pill that tastes like cat. :lol:
Titch
Marriage Equals a life Sentence
Titch
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Little Kopit » Tue Jun 29, 2010 6:00 pm

titch wrote:
Little Kopit wrote:specially cat flavoured pill maybe?


:)



Yuk ! a pill that tastes like cat. :lol:
Titch


OUCH!!. Flavoured for a cat, ie to be like fish, salmon, tuna, mouse.



On the other hand, I have heard of someone who snared rabbits being asked for a pair, not just one. & the rest of the story gets told to imply that skinned, it's hard to tell the difference between a cat and a rabbit.

8)
& I, I took the road less travelled by


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Little Kopit
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Lin » Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:18 pm

No, not cat or otherwise flavoured! Ordinary pill taste.
Lin
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Re: How to give the cat a pill

Postby Little Kopit » Tue Jun 29, 2010 10:20 pm

Nice to be able to say, "thank you, little one".

:)
& I, I took the road less travelled by


My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006
Little Kopit
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